Diagnosis - Oct.2002

Deciding what to do - Nov 2002

Surgery and The End- Dec 2002

Cios has been diagnosed with cancer, fibrosarcoma, in October 2002. 

At the end of September, while combing her beautiful long fur, I had first discovered a little lump in her right side. When after two weeks this lump had nearly doubled in its size and she was uncomfortable when I touched her, I decided to go and see my vet.  He immediately advised me that there was the possibility of cancer and took a needle biopsy first, which showed cancer cells, and so he decided to take the lump out and send it to a laboratory to be analyzed. The following 2 weeks have been the longest of my life.. my vet was already suspecting fibrosarcoma and I had done some web research on it. 

When I got the definite result of the biopsy, even if I had tried to prepare myself for it, it was a terrible blow. I spent the next days with Cios in my arms, crying into her fur. The only thing that made me come out of this depression was realizing that I was hurting her with my attitude.. she was perfectly healthy until that moment, but seeing me so depressed and always crying she had stopped eating and going out. 

I started to join some internet support groups which have been an enormous help.

The first step was a CAT scan which the vet said would be a good idea since it would give him a better view on how far the cancer had spread and how to operate her. In all northern Italy there seems to be only one place where to do those scans, so we had to wait nearly 3 weeks for it.. interminable weeks, with me continuing to feel the tumor grow in her side!

Finally we got the scan the last week of November, and it brought good news, the tumor had not yet attacked any vital organs and since Cios is rather..well nourished.. there was a lot of fat tissue around the lump which isolated it somehow. Here a picture of one of the rays, with her tumor in the red area.

The surgery was scheduled for Dec 3rd in a clinic about an hour away from where I live. The day before we tried to get some blood from Cios for preliminary analysis. It was a hard battle, which resulted in two shaved and bloody cat forelegs and after an hour an anesthetized cat with bad blood pressure. And all that only for a blood screen...  

Tuesday she went into the clinic early, but they started operating on her only towards midday, due to some emergencies. At 5pm my vet called and told me that she had come through ok and that next morning they would start with the chemotheraphy.

Wednesday Dec 4th I was able to visit her and found her lively and a bit angry at not being able to come home with me.. here are some pictures from her "hospital room". They cut out a hand sized piece of her skin, two ribs and a part of her spleen.  She ate some of the dry food I brought her but when I leave she seems very weak and exhausted.

From that point on she had been going downwards, and after a first crisis the morning of the 5th entered a deep apathy which did not lift even when I came to visit her in the afternoon. As her condition worsened the vets tried oxygen, a blood transfusion and several other things but at 10.30 pm CET had to give up the struggle. It seems her death is due to a combination between an adverse reaction to the chemotheraphy and a heart problem.

Cios's battle on earth has ended too soon, she is an angel now and looks down on me. There never will be any cat like her, and I am grateful for every moment I had with her. 

My heart breaks at the thought that during her last days on earth she had to suffer and be with strangers, instead of dying peacefully in my arms. But I have the memory of her presence in my spirit during her last moments, and the feeling that her only regret while she left was of leaving me suffering behind. 

Here I wrote about the day we put her to rest.

And here .. her gift for me while she was leaving this earth.

Here is a short video I took the evening before she left for the surgery. The last and only moving picture I have of her. I was about to cancel it from the disk it was on in order to take the pictures in the hospital, but then something made me stop and search for another disk instead. 

(it is on its side because I had held the camera that way.. sorry, I don't know how to rotate movies.)

November 2002.. with the shaved place on her side where the fibrosarcoma has been taken out..

4th November 2002.. Monday Candle Ceremony 

Another moment from the Candle Ceremony